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Monday, February 10, 2003 02:37 p.m.
Grrrr, I'm not done being upset from Saturday (I believe it was...)
The more I think about it, the more everything in my entirely meaningless life seems to become even more meaningless. I am so fed up w/ people trying to tell me about me when they don't know what in all heaven and hell they are saying. I don't even know me. I guess it that sounds pretty odd b/c I have been stuck w/ myself from Day 1, but I really don't expect people to know that much about meself b/c well, hell, I don't even know. All I kno is that everytime I try to love someone it ends up blowing up in my face. And that is a major pain in the ass...wanting to love, but not being loved in return. And of course, that results in even more pain. I am so incredibly sick of getting hurt. And then I have this whole "depressed" problem...especially w/ V-day in like 4 days...and its really hard with my new realization: that I like someone I really can't like. I mean, I can like him, but under the circumstances, liking him is a MAJOR pain the ass b/c if i were to say I dunno, date him, I won't hear the end of it from someone. Also, I happen to like someone else who it has been a hell of alot more aparent that I like (**cough cough**...and am I right, Mo, Jessie, Barb, and like the rest of population...that I talk to...at Blowmont?).
I dunno. I guess I just have all this frustration, and I kinda know the source, but I think that its deeper then it appears. I dunno. Its kinda hard to explain. All I know is that I hurt, and that is never a good feeling. And I want all this pain to go away...
"It's been a long hard w/o you by my side...why weren't you there all fthe nights that I cried?"
~Jannie B.
Saturday, February 8, 2003 03:45 p.m.
I swear I just wanna give up on my life. I hate the way that things work out. Like right now I still feel worse then shit, but so does my mum. And of course its me playing nurse for her b/c my brother is over a friend's house, and Lord only knows what my da might be up to. I dunno, i guess my family just has a tendency to piss me off way to much
O geez, Valentine's day is coming up. I am kinda hoping I will have a good V-day this year. Last year kinda sucked b/c I passed out in the morning before school, and stayed home sick, so yea, it sucked. but regardless of what happens on friday, saturday is gona rock (I hope...it should). Which brings me to my next point:
Wayne, thank you so incredibly much for **everything** you did for me on Thursday. I was bout to fall apart, and you saved me. It meant alot, believe it or not, and I know really didn't thank you...so THANKS!!
~Jannie B.
Tuesday, February 4, 2003 04:04 p.m.
Okay hey, its been awhile since I've updated. Sorry, but I was so sick for awhile, and really, I still am really sick, but Im dealing. And I have also been busy. ANd I cant believe it February. so heres whats cracking:
Welllll, Sophomore dance is in ten days. I asked Charles (yay!) and gave him my number saturday, and he still hasnt called. Soooo, since I kinda sorta dont really wanna go anymore, and I think I am just gonna be like: 'look charles, lets go see a movie or something else'. I dunno, the dance just isnt really as appealing to me as it was about 5 months ago. I dunno, its just weird.
I have been sick, like I said, but i think I am getting better. I also happened to get my report card: 3.625 GPA, and 2 A's, 1 B+ and 1 B. Not to shabby. Better then I thought I was gonna do, so whatever.
Other then that, life is pretty boring. I havent really done anything b/c I have been sick. I dunno, I guess I am just lazy; i dont really go out that much any more, I *still* have like 20 million people to call. Sorry guys, I am just to damn lazy to get off my ass and call. What else can I say?
Welllllllll, thats all for me...later!
Luvz ya,
Jannie B. (haha jess)
I changed the song: Zephyr Song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Tuesday, January 28, 2003 11:50 a.m.
Ok why does life have to suck so god damn much? I am so totally sick of rejection (mainly by guys...I dont really care what the world thinks of me; I'm a freak/individual in my own damn way, and if you don't like, get over it cuz its me and not you). I really am not pleased w/ any of the guys that I happen to know/talk to often. But there are like 2 or 3 not on my "shit list".
Mrs. Wilson just walked by...i pity the suckers stuck in her class. HAHAHA! no i dont. lol, anywayz
i hate the whole mood swing, PMSy parts of being a girl in her teens. It really does blow the big one. And I hate the whole judgement from your peers thing too, which really sucks b/c i'm stuck w/ that for the rest of my life. There are some people at Blowmont (hahaha ERIN! Yes, I mean you Erin K...you know who you are lol) who judge you nonstop. I dont feel like going there tho. And I hate how everyone assumes my life is a wonderful, sugar-coated life; no one really understands the pain I endure from shit. I really don't think anyone understands anyone, even tho they act like it. My friends think I am a really open person, and yes, for the most part I am, but there are so many things that I just bottle up that hurt me so much, and day after.
"Hold on, when you feel like letting, it's not over, and your one step closer"
~Jannie Bananie
Monday, January 27, 2003 08:36 a.m.
I hate the way everything works out and ends up fucking me over. I really truly sucks. Yea, sucks the biggest penis (lol jess...even bigger then todds! ahhh!!). Ok, now I'm in a slightly better mood. Haha.
Ok, so today is blowmont day. And I shouldn't be in school! its fucking 0 degrees outside, and like, only about 10 inches of sno on the ground. Grrr i dont like school. But at least its blowmont day, which means no classes, and its an actually a fun day of school. Surprising, ah?
I'm really upset with myself. I have been seriously re-evaluating my self. And lemme tell you, I am sooo completely upset. Ok, I dont really feel like going into details, and I am gonna go. SO later yo
JBean
Saturday, January 25, 2003 04:11 p.m.
This be for all y'all that didnt get that forward...
Name: Janet Lynn (Victoria) Tillie
Single or taken?:Single baby (but i kno who i want!!)
Nickname: o geez, here goes: jan, jannie b., jannie bananie, j nig, jbean, tillie, pa system (hahahaha jess), j dawg, and so on
Eyes: blue eyes baby!!
Height: 5'4 i believe...ya, i kno, i am short
Hair: sexy blonde baby!! lol
Siblings: 2
What are you wearing right now?: wouldn't you like to know? lol, jk yea i AM wearing clothes (sorry fellas, dont wander around the house naked). but i'm still in my catholic school girl's uniform...doesn tthat just turn you on? lol
Birthdate: March 16, 1987 (its coming up soon yo!)
Sign: Pisces...i'm a fish!! haha
Where do you live: why, so u can screw me? hahaha, jk South Euclid
Sex: Female baby!!
Best Friends?: y'all kno who ya are ;-)
Righty or lefty: righty
Do you do drugs? no, cant say that i do
Whos the last person that called you? ummm, i believe i dont know...hahaha, i really dont...
What kind of shampoo?: herbal essences
What are your Favorite sports: football, baseball/fast pitch and basketball
What are you most scared of? death, sickness, hospitals and spiders
What are you listening to right now?: good charlotte "the anthem"
What car do you wish to have: i have one waiting for me in the drive for when i DO get my liscenes, and ireally wanna drive it!!
Favorite:
subjects in school: genetics isnt to bad, i really like it
CD or TAPE?: cd
Animals: kittens and puppies (and then monkeys, and chimps, and ducks and penguins!!)
Have you ever:
Bungee jumped?: nope but i wanna
Broken the law?: ummmm, dont think so...
Gone skinny-dipping?: i'm still waiting to do that w/ some dude, which one, dunno, but well, we will see...hahaha
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: hell yea, still do sometimes
First Thing That Comes To Mind:
Long or short hair: kinda shot
Tall or short: short
Good or bad guy: good
Hat or no hat - both
Ears pierced or not: yes
Tan or fair- fair
Dimples or no - no
Virgin or not- why, wanna fuck me?
Regular underwear or thong: thongs baby!! hahaha
Painted nails or not: both, usually not tho
Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy: wild n' sexy of course!! ;-)
Dressy or casual: casual
Dark or blonde hair: blonde
Dark or light eyes: Light
long or short nails: shortt; trying to let them grow
Good or bad girl: i'm a bad girl ;-)
Hair up or down: down
Jewelry or none: some
Curly or straight hair: straight, most days
Pants or dress: pants, but skirts are fun...
Shy or outgoing: outgoing most days
Chocolate or white milk?: chocolate >
Root beer or dr.pepper? dr pepper!!
Mudd or Jell-O wrestling: mud baby!! any guys wanna get naked and do it (lol)
Are you better at talking or listening? i can do both...prolly better @ running my mouth tho...but i can do lots of things w/ my mouth...lol
Vanilla or Chocolate?: vanilla
Skiing or Boarding?: wanna learn 2 sno board
Day or night? Definetly NIGHT
Summer or winter? i like snow, but nothing beats getting next 2 naked in the summer (ahhh!! hahahaha!!)
Cake or pie? cake
Silver or gold?: silver
Diamond or pearl?: Diamond
Sunset or Sunrise?: Sunset
Have you ever broke/sprained/fractured a bone?: yes my ankle was sprained like 10 times while i played basketball
What's your favorite color? Blue
Do you wear any rings? yes
Do you hate any one?: not now...lots of people piss me off, but i dont really HATE anyone
What is your favorite band?: good charlotte completely rocks my socks, but i love nine inch nails and saliva and puddle of mudd and so on
What do you dream about?: (im talking bout at nite) sex w/ some odd people...we're not going there tho
who is the loudest person you know?: JeSSie!!
Who's the quietest person you know? um, prolly Mo
Who do you tell your dreams too? Hahaha, me and Micki have funny talks @ work about dreams...lol...but i usually tell mo 2...and jess
all for me
SmOoChEs!* Janet
Thursday, January 23, 2003 08:33 p.m.
I know, I know, I have been a very bad blogger. Part of it has to do w/ the fact that my computer sucks the BIGGEST PENIS I HAVE EVER SEEN!!! ahhh! lol. ANywayz, i'm back and ready for action (lol...dont mean it like that tho). So here is whats shakin:
I really wanna apologize for all the people that I was supposed to call but never did: Monkey, grace, the todds, stephen, and so on and so forth. SORRY!!!!!
I hope everyone is having fun at oldies. I was going to go, but well, i'm not there. Whatever. Its all good b/c i will at least be able to do some stuff that I need too.
I have to work tomorrow (and hopefully will be going out afterward w/ jess and todd). I am ready to fucking kill jerry. He is the biggest ass i have ever met. I swear.
well its been nice, but i is being forced to get off the computer, so later yo!
JBean
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